i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
