Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
