Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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