i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
