Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
