Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
