Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize