I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
