Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i drank out of a bidet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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