You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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