Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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