hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
