I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
