He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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