Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
