quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
