last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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