u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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