Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
