you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
