There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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