we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
