my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
