just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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