New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
