I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My cat gives me a boner
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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