I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
accomplished twins. life is a go
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
