Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
