He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
