Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
