So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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