my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
