why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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