I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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