Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
