From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
