Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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