Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize