before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
