dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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