My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
