Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
