I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
