you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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