well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
