You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
