just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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