my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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