I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
