when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
