There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
