I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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