We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
