you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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