Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
