Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize