So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
