I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
