Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
