Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize