your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
