i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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