I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
