so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
