I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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