didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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