were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No subtext here. People are naked.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
