dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
