i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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