An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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