Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
