new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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