Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
