You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
