She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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