He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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