I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
