Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
