Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
