"it" just moved
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
