I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
