i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize