I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
