I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
