Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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