Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Randomize
