My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
