sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize