I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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