we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
