Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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