I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
