Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
