Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
no more duck duck goose at the bar
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
