having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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