she looked like the before picture.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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