watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
