i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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