Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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