God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
