k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You took a bar mat shot.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
