I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
