i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I still have a little drunk in my system
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
