So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
