sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
