What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
