Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
