I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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