He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
