if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
