i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize