Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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