Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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