I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
