I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
