I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
